At the beginning of the book, Women and the Priesthood by Sheri Dew, she expresses how she hesitates to write a book on this topic, because it is something she is constantly forming new insights about and she is still learning so much about the topic.
That is how I feel when I talk about Motherhood. I have only really began to explore the topic and study it more in depth since Porter was born. Especially since I was trying to balance Motherhood with providing for my family, and I felt a disconnect with the two.
Although motherhood encompasses ALL WOMEN (with or without children - a reference to this doctrine is the talk "Are We Not All Mothers" by Sheri Dew) today I want to write specifically about mothers with children, as this has been my experience.
I referenced an interview awhile ago about Ruth Renlund called. "Just Call Me Ruth." It surfaced after her husband was called as an apostle about a year ago. I feel really ashamed to admit that when I first read it, I was a little put off. Here's why:
I have always wanted to attend Law School and become a lawyer. But it just didn't seem practical as a mother. Plus, I did love teaching, so I took that route. My last semester in college I learned that BYU had a joint Masters Degree - meaning you could get your masters in Administration and Law! They are only one of 4 schools in the nation to offer this program. Obviously, my heart sung. And honestly I still dream of the opportunity to do that.
But it goes back to the same thing. We are asked by the Lord to stay at home and raise our babies. We are asked to be raise a righteous generation to turn to God and be "mothers who know".
So why did she get to go fulfill her dream? Why did she hand her child off? Why isn't she asked to stay at home? Staying at home can be full of cleaning, tantrums, trials of patience, and cleaning, and hostage negotiations between toddlers, and chores, and exhausting, and mundane. But she didn't have to do those things? I mean, I am sure she did sometimes. Excuse me for getting pretty brutal, but I constantly wrestled with these negative thoughts. Obviously in perspective, I know she loved and raised her children, and didn't just "pass them off,"
Now, not once did I blame or judge her for her decisions. She repeatedly said she felt "impressed". And I am not about to argue with an apostle's wife about her impressions. But then I have to ask the Lord, "Why?"
Up until then, I thought those who worked outside the home for enjoyment were wrong.
And now, I felt I was wrong.
And then my thoughts go towards heaven. Because here I am, with my kids at home, doing what I thought the Lord asked me to do. And honestly, it can be pretty hard sometimes. And then other women get to climb up the ladder, feel successful, and fulfill their dreams. Are we all going to get the same reward in heaven???? But I gave up my dream?
Now, I worked. It's hard working with kids. It really, really is. I blogged about the struggle constantly. But I know I loved my co-workers. I loved chatting with them and having a social group with me constantly. I know I loved my principal (my boss). Who thought I walked on water and was constantly giving me praises and telling me to get my administrative degree so I can become a principal too. I know the parents loved me, and I was constantly requested.
Of course, I talked about this extensively with Trent. He mainly fired questions at me like,
"Do you want to work outside the home?"
"Would that make you happy?"
No. I would most likely feel guilty.
Mom guilt is too real for me. I hate it.
I've wrestled and wrestled and wrestled with this in my heart for months. I've thought about during scripture study, I've picked up books about it at Deseret Book, and I've prayed about it several times.
Although I don't know all the answers, I've come to a few conclusions that have brought me peace.
Personal revelation is real.
God wants me to be happy. But even more so, he knows how to make me happy.
And timing is everything.
1. Personal Revelation is real.
I have a testimony about Divine Nature that was rooted in Young Womens. I really do believe God has a purpose for me. And for you. I believe we were fore-ordained to do something great. Greatness is relative. When I think of "doing something great" I am thinking of Joanna Gaines status on Fixer Upper. But really, something great could be bringing people to the gospel that you interact with at work. It could be raising five kids to be God-fearing (that's you, Mom!). It could be helping families make memories through photography, it could be a legacy of kindness and giving. Those are all great things that are needed in this world. The key is to use personal revelation to figure out what God wants me to be. But even more importantly, what I need to do, or give up, to get there.
2. God wants me to be happy. But even more so, he knows how to make me happy.
I really do trust that Heavenly Father knows me. He knows my dreams of law school. He knows that would bring me happiness. Having a degree in Education has brought me Joy. It has helped me witness growth in students I didn't think was possible. Marrying Trent instead of going to China has brought me Joy. He gave me an eternal companion who loves and supports me unconditionally. If He has asked me to stay at home, and for me He has, I am believing that this experience will also bring me Joy.
3. Timing is Everything
As I sit here, holding sweet Brooks and typing with one hand (which takes forever, by the way), I know that my time and place right now is here with them. When I think of timing, I think of Joanna Gaines's experience with Magnolia Market (huge fan over here - so bear with me). She had previously opened up a shop in 2003 (maybe?). After having two kids, she felt impressed that she needed to stay at home and raise her babies (she would later have four altogether). It was really hard for her to close her dream store, but she felt God whisper that he had great things in store for her, but right now this is what she was suppose to do. So she listened, and closed her store. It makes me think what can I accomplish if I listen and trust in his timing??
Before, as you can tell, I was so quick to be harsh. But now, I feel so much more at peace. Do I still think there are huge advantages for children whose mothers are at home. Absolutely. And there is no denying the council that we have been given.
But. There is no way to be perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good one.
Do you work away from home? You can still be a good mother.
Did you raise your babies, and then once they started school did you go back to work?
You can still be a good mother.
Do you stay at home but struggle with yelling and loosing your patience (um. me.)?
I can still be a good mother.
My mother went back to work once my youngest sibling hit Kindergarten. She is a wonderful mother.
Rita, my mother-in-law, has stayed at home with her babies all her life. The last one is just graduating High School and now she is focusing on her grand-babies. She is also a wonderful mother.
My sister-in-law is a full-time working Mom with a darling little boy. She is a wonderful mother.
My little boys, I love being your mother. Being with you every day makes me a better person. It brings me closer to Heavenly Father as we work together to bring you back to Him. Right now, my time is with you. I am still going to DIY everything I can get my hands on. I am still going to make cute quotes to hang in your room and force your father to make wood items all over the house. I am still going to pin teaching activities and try my material on you. I am still going to grow and learn new things.
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