Our First Fight... And He Slept Through It All

It’s true.  Mr. Thompson and I fight.  I remember when Mr. Thompson and I had been married for about 3 months and we went over to his parent’s house.  Mr. Thompson was helping his younger brother, Dallas, take down Christmas decorations.  I remember Dallas turning to him as he unloaded a heavy box from the attic asking, “Does Chelsea ever get mad?  Does she get mad and you end up fighting?”  I waited for the answer. I expected Mr. Thompson to chuckle and be like, “Heck yeah!” But that man is full of surprises.  Instead he simply replied, “Nope.”  I looked at him. Shocked. That statement could not have been farther from the truth.

                Here’s the thing.  Everyone says that when you get married, you will be in this “honeymoon stage.”  I agree.  In fact, I am pretty sure Mr. Thompson and I are still in that phase.  I always pictured that couples started fighting after a few years of marriage – like when disciplining kids, money issues, and all that good stuff.  HAH! What a joke!  Mr. Thompson and I had our first major fight the first night back from our honeymoon.  And he slept through most of it.  Truth.  Here’s the story:

                We had just gotten back from our honeymoon and our apartment was trashed with gifts, boxes, clothes, everything.  Plus, we had to go to the store and get some items we didn’t have {bedspread, trashcan, scissors, etc.}.  So bags were everywhere too.  Oh, and don’t let me forget to mention that it was a STUDIO apartment.  It looked like a mess.  So Trent and I started arranging the boxes, putting things away, and organizing the apartment.  Well, it was about 10:30 and Trent suggested we go to bed because we both had work the next morning.  I looked around and our apartment was still a disaster.  How could I go to bed when we could barely walk through the apartment?  I couldn’t.  I remember begging Mr. Thompson to stay up with me.  He refused saying he was exhausted.  So he did the unthinkable.  He went to bed.  Guys – I was mad.  I stayed up till 1 in the morning – bawling – putting the house together.  I remember thinking, “Is this how our marriage is going to be? You sleep while I do all the work?”  {Did I mention I am slightly dramatic?} I tried crying loudly so that he would wake up and realize the errors of his way.  Pointless.  He slept through the entire thing.  Needless to say, we had to talk it out the next morning.  We definitely learned a lot about each other.  Mr. Thompson realized that when I want something done – I will stop at nothing, not even sleep, to accomplish my task.  Once I decide it’s a priority it gets done right away.  Mr. Thompson is more relaxed.  His thought process is, “Let’s work at the task every day until it gets done.  But let’s not kill ourselves over it.” (Obviously my thought process makes more sense;)  And guess what – the next night there was a flood in our apartment.  The water heater above us broke and it dripped through our ceiling and walls and flooded our apartment.  All of that work I had done was for NOTHING.  We had to box everything up and move it to another apartment anyway.  Story of my life.

                Whenever I have a friend who is getting married I sit them down and tell them these exact words:  “During the first few months of your marriage, you and {insert fiancé’s name here} may fight.  A lot.  And guess what? That is so normal.  So, please do not feel like you have an awful marriage.”

                I don’t think it’s necessarily the “fighting” that harms the marriage.  It depends on the type of fighting.  Most of the time, Mr. Thompson and I are usually just having a “heated discussion” because our opinions are different.  But if you are throwing crockpots at your spouse – you may have a problem.  So here are some methods that have helped Mr.  Thompson and I avoid those “crockpot throwing, name-calling, nasty” fights.

1.       Listen.  When someone else is telling you their side of the issue, we are instinctively forming our defense statement.  Do not come up with a defense.  Listen. R estate what they said to make sure that you understand their side.

2.       If it gets too heated – walk away.  There is nothing wrong with saying, “Honey, I need a five minute cool down.”  The point of this is to say this phrase before you become too angry and start shouting.  It is a prevention tool.

3.       Hold them tight.  Sometimes I will cuddle with Mr. Thompson as I tell him my side of the issue.  When you are holding the one you love, your opinion comes off more sensitive than when you are on the other side of the room yelling your opinion over the dishes.

We are not professionals over here folks.  We still have our fair share of arguments – trust me.  But we don’t let one fight determine how we view ourselves as a couple.  We love each other despite our stubborn opinions.  It’s just a learning process – despite how many years you have been married.  It will always be a learning process because we are constantly changing as individuals. Does that make sense?  I know – this is coming from someone who has been married for only two years and has NO room to talk or give advice – but it’s been on my mind and I thought I would share.  What are some tips you may have when it comes to this topic?!