Tribute to a New Dad

Everyone has been so sweet to me.  I have had so many texts, phone calls, and messages asking me how I have been doing.  And although postpartum as been my least favorite thing in the entire world, I am being pampered by two wonderful mothers.  The one who was really struggling was Trent. He has been so involved in this whole process. It is quite impressive actually. He is completely smitten by Porter... and completely worried.      I knew from the beginning I would put Porter in the nursery every night we were in the hospital.  Trent was really reluctant though.  But after some convincing, we sent Porter to the nursery just four hours after I delivered him.  The next day the nurses brought him back into the room around 6.  He had slept for six hours! Obviously Porter and I have the same priorities. Nonchalantly, the nurses mentioned that during the night Porter had stopped breathing and turned blue.  They had to put an oxygen mask over his face and suck extra amniotic fluid from his lungs.  They just handed him to me and said, "If he starts choking, use this."  It was a suction bulb.  Cue panic attacks every night for the next week.  We brought him home around 8 p.m. on a Sunday.  That night, Trent sat next to his bassinet with his back against the nightstand.  I woke up to him still sitting there at 3 a.m. just watching Porter as his head bobbed up and down.  It took some coaxing, but I promised Trent that Porter was going to make it.  Trent finally went to bed.  But frequently I would get a nudge and hear him say, "Will you make sure he is still breathing?"  So I would put my hand on his tummy and feel his little lungs fill with air.    I hated taking Porter to get his jaundice tests.  His whole foot was black and blue from them squeezing the blood from his heel.  It was awful.  Porter would cry.  I would cry.  It was a mess. So Trent would take him... by himself.  I would never do that.  Someone always had to be with me.  But he would let me shower and say he wanted some "man time" with Porter.    I really could go on and share a dozen more stories of how Trent has pushed himself to the limit this last week to be a better husband and father. I have had to remind myself of these moments because Trent and I have a different relationship now.  It's not bad, it is just different. And selfishly I sometimes miss Trent and I. Our late night games and long talks in bed.  Our walks at the park and relaxing on the grass by the temple. Now, we switch turns with Porter and crash with exhaustion at night.  Tomorrow Rita is going to watch Porter while we go on a date.  I'm really looking forward to that.  I love him so much.