Porter. On behalf of your second birthday, I want to give you a glimpse of your life.
1. Your Dad is your hero. Right now, you both have headphones on. You have one earbud, he has the other and your listening to music and playing the guitar. A few days ago while we were building a bench, you decided to skip your nap (I wasn't thrilled), and brought out all your baby tools to the garage and worked alongside your Dad "building" the bench. Later that day your Dad said, "Chels. It just made my entire day that he did that." We love you a lot,
2. I love how you tell me what you want in the form of a question. You will come running up to me and say, "Do you want a Popsicle? Yes. Okay!" And then you will run to the refrigerator to get a Popsicle. It's like an entire conversation with yourself. I laugh every time.
3. You're fearless Porter. I can tell you will probably be the kid who never backs down from a dare. You are jumping off of everything, climbing everything, and exploring everything. I need eyes all around my head to keep track of you. But I only have two. So it makes the task exhausting. One minute I am talking to a grown up and your playing in the dirt beside me, and then 30 seconds later you're climbing through the chicken coop (true story).
4. You have a passion for life. It's weird that someone so small could love life so much. But your energy for life is undeniable. I picked you up from nursery yesterday and your nursery leader commented, "He is quite the energetic one, isn't he? He sure does love life." That comment made me smile.
5. You do this thing where you run around and then purposefully fall to the ground and yell, "Oh! I'm okay!" and then start into a fit of laughter. What's even funnier is that you have taught all of your friends that little game too. So when kids come over, everyone is constantly on the floor yelling. It's cute.
6. You love talking to us. Thank you for talking. You and I get along so much better when we talk it out. You learn words at a rapid pace. You're so bright Porter. You are naturally a smart kid, but you work hard too. And that combination is dynamite!
7. You can hold your own. Alright, so you're a little stubborn. If you want something, or think you have been wronged, you will not back down. I have caught you in pushing or yelling at some kid who offended you. Sometimes the kids are much, much bigger than you and I get so nervous. But you are confident in yourself. Although I never condone losing your temper, I like that you are willing to stand up for yourself. It's something that I lack. Stay confident.
8. Your face. Porter, you have the. best. faces. You have a face for if you want something. You have a face if your trying to ignore us. You have a face for if someone hurt your feelings. And you have the cutest face when your in your element or incredibly happy.
9. Speaking of incredibly happy. I can always tell when you are perfectly happy. You know, the kind of happy you feel when it's the best day ever. When you get that kind of happy, you come up to me or your Dad, say Thank you and ask for hugs in the sweetest little voice. Oh Porter, I love you.
10. You love unconditionally. One of my favorite relationships is watching you and Brooks. You get so excited every morning to see Brooks. And when he cries, you stop everything you are doing, run to his side and yell in his face, "OH NO! BROOKS IS CRYING! IT'S OKAY BROOKS!" It may not help the situation with you yelling, but it melts my heart to see you tend to your brother. Stay a good big brother. I need you to be an example.
Porter. I could talk about you forever. The love that we have for you is so strong. I feel so much joy knowing that you are ours forever.
But with the previous two posts being on the intense side, I wanted to share that the Thompsons are, in fact, happy!
Trent looooves his job. Every day he comes home and talks about how lucky he is. He arrives at work around 6:30 AM, and comes home between 4-5 PM. I am very grateful that he is there earlier instead of later. That way, he can be gone while the kids are sleeping and home for a good amount of the evening before bedtime. But in order to keep up our energy, everyone's bedtime is 8:30 PM around here. So that's a little different.
Want to know what brings me happiness? Schedules. So when I saw these schedule cards, I became giddy inside! We have only been doing them for a week, and I am totally in love. Before, the T.V. was on quite a bit in our house. I blame it on trying to unpack. But I knew it could become a habit if we didn't take control of our day. I bought these schedule cards and used Paint to write the words on them. The day goes by so. much. smoother. with these cards. When Porter asks for T.V., we go to the schedule and talk about how T.V. time is after clean-up and before dinner. Works like a charm.
Excuse the poor photo quality! They are magneted (just made that word up) to the fridge. Each night before I go to bed, I switch the schedule as needed. The next day, as we accomplish our schedule we move the cards to the top of the fridge. Of course, there is down time in between. And during that down time, Porter does whatever he wants. Play with his toys, jump on the couch, go outside, you know. By the way, I have learned Porter's second favorite chore is laundry (first is dishes), but that little boy hates the vacuum! He starts bawling when I try to get him to help me!
And there is a splash park five minutes from our house!! Another thing that brings me happiness!
At the beginning of the book, Women and the Priesthood by Sheri Dew, she expresses how she hesitates to write a book on this topic, because it is something she is constantly forming new insights about and she is still learning so much about the topic.
That is how I feel when I talk about Motherhood. I have only really began to explore the topic and study it more in depth since Porter was born. Especially since I was trying to balance Motherhood with providing for my family, and I felt a disconnect with the two.
Although motherhood encompasses ALL WOMEN (with or without children - a reference to this doctrine is the talk "Are We Not All Mothers" by Sheri Dew) today I want to write specifically about mothers with children, as this has been my experience.
I referenced an interview awhile ago about Ruth Renlund called. "Just Call Me Ruth." It surfaced after her husband was called as an apostle about a year ago. I feel really ashamed to admit that when I first read it, I was a little put off. Here's why:
I have always wanted to attend Law School and become a lawyer. But it just didn't seem practical as a mother. Plus, I did love teaching, so I took that route. My last semester in college I learned that BYU had a joint Masters Degree - meaning you could get your masters in Administration and Law! They are only one of 4 schools in the nation to offer this program. Obviously, my heart sung. And honestly I still dream of the opportunity to do that.
But it goes back to the same thing. We are asked by the Lord to stay at home and raise our babies. We are asked to be raise a righteous generation to turn to God and be "mothers who know".
So why did she get to go fulfill her dream? Why did she hand her child off? Why isn't she asked to stay at home? Staying at home can be full of cleaning, tantrums, trials of patience, and cleaning, and hostage negotiations between toddlers, and chores, and exhausting, and mundane. But she didn't have to do those things? I mean, I am sure she did sometimes. Excuse me for getting pretty brutal, but I constantly wrestled with these negative thoughts. Obviously in perspective, I know she loved and raised her children, and didn't just "pass them off,"
Now, not once did I blame or judge her for her decisions. She repeatedly said she felt "impressed". And I am not about to argue with an apostle's wife about her impressions. But then I have to ask the Lord, "Why?"
Up until then, I thought those who worked outside the home for enjoyment were wrong.
And now, I felt I was wrong.
And then my thoughts go towards heaven. Because here I am, with my kids at home, doing what I thought the Lord asked me to do. And honestly, it can be pretty hard sometimes. And then other women get to climb up the ladder, feel successful, and fulfill their dreams. Are we all going to get the same reward in heaven???? But I gave up my dream?
Now, I worked. It's hard working with kids. It really, really is. I blogged about the struggle constantly. But I know I loved my co-workers. I loved chatting with them and having a social group with me constantly. I know I loved my principal (my boss). Who thought I walked on water and was constantly giving me praises and telling me to get my administrative degree so I can become a principal too. I know the parents loved me, and I was constantly requested.
Of course, I talked about this extensively with Trent. He mainly fired questions at me like,
"Do you want to work outside the home?"
"Would that make you happy?"
No. I would most likely feel guilty.
Mom guilt is too real for me. I hate it.
I've wrestled and wrestled and wrestled with this in my heart for months. I've thought about during scripture study, I've picked up books about it at Deseret Book, and I've prayed about it several times.
Although I don't know all the answers, I've come to a few conclusions that have brought me peace.
Personal revelation is real.
God wants me to be happy. But even more so, he knows how to make me happy.
And timing is everything.
1. Personal Revelation is real.
I have a testimony about Divine Nature that was rooted in Young Womens. I really do believe God has a purpose for me. And for you. I believe we were fore-ordained to do something great. Greatness is relative. When I think of "doing something great" I am thinking of Joanna Gaines status on Fixer Upper. But really, something great could be bringing people to the gospel that you interact with at work. It could be raising five kids to be God-fearing (that's you, Mom!). It could be helping families make memories through photography, it could be a legacy of kindness and giving. Those are all great things that are needed in this world. The key is to use personal revelation to figure out what God wants me to be. But even more importantly, what I need to do, or give up, to get there.
2. God wants me to be happy. But even more so, he knows how to make me happy.
I really do trust that Heavenly Father knows me. He knows my dreams of law school. He knows that would bring me happiness. Having a degree in Education has brought me Joy. It has helped me witness growth in students I didn't think was possible. Marrying Trent instead of going to China has brought me Joy. He gave me an eternal companion who loves and supports me unconditionally. If He has asked me to stay at home, and for me He has, I am believing that this experience will also bring me Joy.
3. Timing is Everything
As I sit here, holding sweet Brooks and typing with one hand (which takes forever, by the way), I know that my time and place right now is here with them. When I think of timing, I think of Joanna Gaines's experience with Magnolia Market (huge fan over here - so bear with me). She had previously opened up a shop in 2003 (maybe?). After having two kids, she felt impressed that she needed to stay at home and raise her babies (she would later have four altogether). It was really hard for her to close her dream store, but she felt God whisper that he had great things in store for her, but right now this is what she was suppose to do. So she listened, and closed her store. It makes me think what can I accomplish if I listen and trust in his timing??
Before, as you can tell, I was so quick to be harsh. But now, I feel so much more at peace. Do I still think there are huge advantages for children whose mothers are at home. Absolutely. And there is no denying the council that we have been given.
But. There is no way to be perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good one.
Do you work away from home? You can still be a good mother.
Did you raise your babies, and then once they started school did you go back to work?
You can still be a good mother.
Do you stay at home but struggle with yelling and loosing your patience (um. me.)?
I can still be a good mother.
My mother went back to work once my youngest sibling hit Kindergarten. She is a wonderful mother.
Rita, my mother-in-law, has stayed at home with her babies all her life. The last one is just graduating High School and now she is focusing on her grand-babies. She is also a wonderful mother.
My sister-in-law is a full-time working Mom with a darling little boy. She is a wonderful mother.
My little boys, I love being your mother. Being with you every day makes me a better person. It brings me closer to Heavenly Father as we work together to bring you back to Him. Right now, my time is with you. I am still going to DIY everything I can get my hands on. I am still going to make cute quotes to hang in your room and force your father to make wood items all over the house. I am still going to pin teaching activities and try my material on you. I am still going to grow and learn new things.
The drive to our location is butt ugly. Really though. I have been on some pretty drives (like the drive to Jackson - so killer!), and this was pretty bleak.
Driving to Imperial reminded me of my first drive to Queen Creek. When I moved to Queen Creek there was not ONE stoplight. There was only one small stop sign on the main Ellsworth Rd. For miles, there was dirt. Just dirt. Nothing but dirt. And I remember thinking, "Where the heck are our parents taking us?"
Well, that is how I felt driving down here. After Yuma, it is just nothing but dirt and farms. And we kept driving, and driving, and driving, and there was still nothing. On the drive down, there is a little fence to the left that is about 20 feet away. That little fence separates the United States and Mexico. So....
Finally, an hour past Yuma, out in the distance I saw civilization. That civilization would be our new home, for honestly, who knows how long. It could be up to five years!
As we drove through town, I wanted to cry. I started to feel heavy anxiety and completely overwhelmed. You see, this place has all the stores and places. Waaaaay more than Rexburg and Idaho Falls combined. But it's old, and not very pretty vegetation wise. I think because of the drought, California doesn't put any resources in making their cities pretty. So dirt is everywhere instead of vegetation. Which makes the place look a little old and dirty. And it's not dirty, but parts are a little old.
But at the time, I couldn't see past my initial impression.
We finally pulled up to our new house, and I wanted to be happy and put a smile on my face for Trent. And I did, but it was so forced, and Trent could tell. I walked in, and felt completely overwhelmed again. Overwhelmed with nasty blue carpet and a house that was ours that I didn't get to pick out. Overwhelmed with the responsibility of moving everything in and making this house a home, despite my feelings.
Now that we have been settled for a few weeks, the house is actually pretty great. It has some quirks, but I am excited to start decorating (very, very slowly). And I feel very, very lucky that we have this wonderful 3 bedroom home with a backyard and front yard full of grass! And we have definitely been taking advantage of that!
Back to the story. After a few minutes of walking around the house and taking it all in {although I wasn't taking it in very well}, Trent and I went outside to load the U-haul while Rita watched the boys. Before we started, Trent sat me down on the back of that U-haul and said, "You know, this is similar to a mission in some ways. You are sent to an area where you don't know anyone. You are scared. You feel alone. And it's overwhelming." And cue tears.
He didn't tell me it would all get better. He didn't tell me it would be Okay. He just let me cry a few tears next to him, on the back of that U-haul. I really appreciated that. More than he knows. We sat in silence for awhile until I composed, and then we got to work.
Then came the moving with the wrist. Yeah, I already complained about that.
And then the unpacking.
Have I mentioned how much I hate moving??
While we were unpacking, about three different neighbors came over and introduced themselves. One of them offered us to come to this kick off to Bible camp for kids. They had food, activities, bouncy houses, and more. Have such kind neighbors really made me feel better. I told Trent we should go, but we couldn't because the owners of our rental were coming down to meet with us for a few hours.
On Sunday, we went to church. Our church building is about 10-15 minutes away. And you can probably guess, it's pretty old. Like those Mesa church buildings old.
But this is probably the moment where everything changed for me.
We walked in, and our ward is very, very small. At least that Sunday, we could all probably fit in just the middle rows of the chapel. The meeting was sweet. There were a lot of good testimonies. Afterwards, we were bombarded with people. Seriously. Every step we took someone stopped and introduced themselves. And not just from our ward, it was also people from other wards?? And the Stake President stopped me in the hallway and chatted with me. I had no idea he was the President until someone else in passing said, "Hello, President." The Bishop brought us into his office and talked with us. His counselors made sure to introduce themselves. Two sets of missionaries volunteered themselves as service to whatever we needed.
You guys, it makes me tear up writing this. It was incredibly humbling.
Also, four of Trent's coworkers are in that ward. And of course, they all rushed up to us and introduced themselves. They kept going on and on about how they are super excited for us to be here and how amazing the company is. And tomorrow, Sunday, they invited us over to a potluck for one of Trent's coworker's birthday.
And then Thursday night, a gal from the ward stopped by and brought us cookies. She wasn't able to introduce herself at church, so she wanted to bring by cookies, swap numbers with me, and welcome us to the ward.
She texted me the next day with all the details of the area, activities for kids, and again, offering us dinner, service or whatever we needed.
Writing this, I realize I have a lot to thank Heavenly Father about tonight.
So. How is Imperial??
Well, it's the first time I have ever been a minority. In religion, in ethnicity, in political opinions, in everything, really. Also, people can not get over Porter. Everywhere we go, everywhere, people are constantly touching him. Telling me how handsome he is and how they can't believe his blonde hair is! Of course, this is all in Spanish. But I'm picking up words and phrases!
There has been a lot to take in these past few weeks. But we really are grateful for the support from our family and friends, this job, and the wonderful people of Imperial.
