Welp. It is time to face the facts. I am that frazzled mother. The one I definitely did not envision myself to be. I have slowly been processing this realization, but today solidifies it.
Two nights ago, Porter had a super rough night. Something was wrong, but I couldn't figure it out. We were up together from 1:30-3:30 a.m. and then up again at 6:30 a.m. to start our day. I thought for sure Porter would take a long nap in the morning or afternoon. Hmmm. He took a 45 minute morning nap and refused an afternoon nap. Finally, at 5:00 p.m. we got him to take a late afternoon nap. What I did not expect was for him to sleep all of the way until 7:30 a.m. Sunday morning. He was just a little exhausted.
So I get ready and Porter is in a wonderful mood. I am feeling positive church is going to rock today. And, for the most part, Porter was in a great mood. But for some reason he had so... much... energy. He was literally bouncing. off. the. walls. He was jumping, screaming {happy screams}, falling, running, laughing, and completely out of control. When the men joined us for Sunday School, everyone was trying to keep it together because Porter was being so funny and completely insane.
Except, the child was also being totally irreverent. And although his craziness is possibly cute for two minutes, it's definitely not cute for two hours. When sacrament rolls around {that's our final hour of church}, I was desperate to go home. So we are in and out of church for the first bit. After the sacrament, Porter decides to throw hymn books on the floor and step on them and crinkle their pages. I am in the middle of wrestling the child when another mom {the one who just moved in that has a little boy the same age as Porter}, grabbed Porter from me and said, "My husband and I have to be in the foyer with Maverick anyway, I'll take Porter so he can play with him and you can stay here and listen." And she whisked him away.
Trent gave me a questioning look from the stand and I just shrugged my shoulders. At that moment, everything in me was trying to keep it together. I was slightly embarrassed, but even more grateful. No one has EVER volunteered to take Porter out for me so I could listen. Two weeks ago, a sister in our ward was trying to listen to her husband speak, but her baby was upset. I took the baby and Porter outside so she could enjoy his talk. Maybe this is karma, the good kind. I just really needed a few moments by myself.
Our High Councilman saw what had happened and over the pulpit asked me if I would bear my testimony because having Porter taken from me is a sign I need to come up here.
When I had Porter again, he decided he didn't want to walk anymore, but also didn't want to be held.
And all the while, people are trying to talk to me about this, that, and the other.
It just hit me that I am so frazzled. Yet, my greatest fear is when others see me frazzled that they will take it as I don't love my calling as a mother. Because that could not be farther from the truth. I love, love, love being Porter's mom. I love that naughty, sweet boy. Every time he thought he was in trouble today, he would run to me and give me kisses to say he was sorry. I love those moments with him. I just hope the next time we announce we are having a baby, people don't laugh right out loud because of the craziness they see during church... and the state of our home.
On the other hand, I do need to work on not appearing so frazzled. Yes, we always come to church looking nice. But if Porter needs to be in the halls more than he is in the classroom, I should not get so worked up over it. He is 14 months. And church is hard for a little explorer like Porter.
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