7 Months Later and We Finally Figured it Out.

One of the toughest lessons I have had to learn is that each of us have a different 100%.  Specifically, my sweet husband and I have different a 100%.    I have been told that my biggest weakness is that I HAVE to be busy.  It's true.  I love relaxation - but not for longer than a couple hours.  I have to be doing something proactive at all times.  Which leads me to my current situation.    Teaching about 50 hours a week, Managing 4-10 hours a week, teaching piano and voice, feeling the need for my house to be in perfect order, making sure we have homemade meals and don't eat out excessively, making sure to do all church things - temple, scriptures, prayer, visiting teaching, service, callings, etc. Oh. And I guess I'm pregnant.  Which is interesting and hard and wonderful. But that's for another post.   When Trent started school full time while I worked full time I had the most perfect vision.  It included him getting straight A's (like me), which would consequently land him a scholarship (like me), and then he would have time to do grocery shopping, keep the house orderly, cook dinner every night (like I did when I was in school), while managing the apartments (like I did), and get the nursery ready.  Is that too much to ask for?! I mean, I did it when I was in school full time and he was working?! He could handle it. [Insert laugh here].   The truth is, Trent's major requires more effort than mine did.  He leaves when I do in the morning and comes back when I do at night.  In his classes, 3 hours of studying EVERY day PER class might get you a B. Here we are, 9:30 at night and he sits in front of me doing Math Homework (the same assignment he has been working on for the past hour) after getting home from a study group at 6.  I feel bad because the first couple of months of him being in school and me teaching I had really negative feelings toward him.  Why couldn't he do it all?   So. We have adjusted here.  And I can finally say that we have found our groove (perfect timing - we have 3 weeks of school left).  I get up at 6:15 and start preparing dinner.  Most of the time, I will cut everything necessary and put it in the crockpot.  If it's an oven dinner, I will pull out the meat to de-thaw or pre-cut anything needed.  We get ready and go to work/school. Come home with dinner made (best feeling ever).  Eat dinner together.  Immediately after dinner, clean up the house (dishes from dinner, little things left out, etc.), put in a load of laundry, and I work on grades while he works on homework.  We almost always go to bed together (it's a mandatory thing for me) and read whatever assignment he has for his Religion Class (we are in the New Testament right now).  We both go grocery shopping together on Saturday and do deep cleaning (bathroom, blinds, mopping, etc.).  And We BOTH do ALL of it.   Sometimes it's hard not to compare.  Sometimes I want to say, "Do you know everything I have done today? I did this, that, and saved the world." And then there are times when I know he is equally frustrated as I sit on the couch on Pinterest while does dishes for the fifth time that week.  The difference is Trent doesn't compare our efforts.  He sees it as a team effort and we both do what we can.  I see it as a mandatory list that needs to be assigned and checked off.  His way might be slightly more reasonable.  It's debatable.   There truly is not point to this post but for me to remember that we are doing the best we can with our situation.  And it's okay if the dishes don't get done right away.  And it's okay if I can't serve in these grandiose ways.  And it's okay if I don't have a fun activity to go with every lesson.  But it's not okay to make God my last priority.  Which has been the pattern these last 6 months.  I just can't help but think that I would have solved these negative feelings and time dilemma if I would have just asked Heavenly Father to give me strength, to help me prioritize, or even to learn to say "no."   Trent, thank you for always giving a 100% and even more.  I know I belittled your efforts at times.  But each time you washed those dishes or woke up early to help prepare dinner, I noticed.  Your 100% is enough. I love you.