The Right Decision Part 3 of 3

For about three weeks I kept my eye on Trent.  I stalked noticed which girls he was around, read his Facebook posts, and listened to what his friends were saying about him.  I remember reading something he posted on FB and thinking, “psh… aren’t I glad I dumped him.”  But really it felt more like, “psh… I’m an idiot.” 

Then there came the fateful FHE night.  Our Young Single Adult Ward came together every Tuesday and did Family Home Evening together.  I was in charge and so of course I was there orchestrating the activities.  But guess who wasn’t there…. Trent.  I remember asking my friend Jessica,

                “Hey, do you know where Trent is?”

                “Yea… I think he went to a Diamondbacks baseball game with some girl.” Jess replied.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was when I turned into the Hulk.  I started raging and shouting.  It was something along the lines of:

“What an idiot? You’re not supposed miss F.H.E.?!”  {Because apparently I am the F.H.E. police and you need to ask me permission to miss the activities.}  

“What girl would possibly go with him to a baseball game?” {Hmmm…. about every woman in our ward.}

               

Well of course, I made Jess text Trent and figure out what girl he was with.  He didn’t reply for literally hours.  That is when I found out that Trent had taken his sister to the baseball game. Yup- that's me - World’s. Biggest. Loser.  

It was that night I knew I had to make things right with Trent.  And by “make things right” I mean "get over my commitmment issues."  So I texted him and asked him if he would like to go on a picnic with me tomorrow.  He consented.  And this is how our conversation went the next day at our picnic. {Warning:  The words below are what actually came out of my mouth.  Feel free to judge.}

“Trent, I have been thinking.  And I know you wanted to date me.  And well… if you still want to date me... then… I guess that would be okay.”  {WHO SAYS THAT?!} That was me apologizing folks. Seriously.

And you know what he said… “Okay!”  That was it?  He didn’t ask me to beg for him back. He didn't make me feel like a loser. He was just that forgiving and sweet.  He just said that he did want to be with me still and he would love if we could be together.   Now most girls would sweetly kiss their man and have a nice picnic.  But instead,  this is what came out of my mouth:

“Well, if you are going to date me, then there are going to have to be some rules.  Rule #1: This is not going to last because I am going to China. End of story. I am going. You can’t stop me so don’t try.    2: No kissing in public.  You may hold my hand but you may not kiss me when other people are around.  3: We will NEVER be Facebook official so I don’t want to see a relationship request.  4: I don’t want to be one of those couples who have to see each other every day.  I need space.  If we date, you have to be okay will all of these things? Okay?!

Some of you are probably dying laughing at my ridiculous requests.  But Trent was just like,

“Okay, if that’s what you want!” 

I was shocked.  “Well, don’t get back to me right away.  Just think about it. You have 24 hours and then let me know.” {Because I think I have a right to put a time limit on his decisions?!}

T: “I already know. I want to date you.”

C: “Trent, take the 24 hours and think about this.  This is a commitment.”

T: “I know, but I already know my answer.”

C: “TRENT JUST TAKE THE 24 HOURS!”

T: “Fine… I will think about it.”

And that is how Trent and I started dating.  But I still had plans to go to China.  At the beginning of our courtship, I paid for most of China and received my placement, departure date, and flight.  I was leaving in the middle of July to Zhangzhou, China and would return three days before Christmas.  I had even met some of the girls going with me to China.  But while I was preparing for China – I was seriously falling for Trent.  And remember those rules? Yeah – nonexistent.  He had broken every barrier I had built.  And every time I thought about leaving, I bawled.   But I didn’t want to be “that girl” that got married right out of high school.  I didn’t want to get married young.  I wanted to be the type of girl who traveled, finished school, started a career, and did everything that people say you “should do” before you get married. 

And of course, everyone has opinions.  I had one individual tell me that I was “doomed for divorce and if I couldn’t leave him for 6 months we would never make it anyway.” I listened to people tell me I was naïve and stupid.  And then there was Trent.  He suggested that I go to China, but with a diamond ring on my left hand.  While I was gone, he said he would plan the wedding and just send him a "to-do list" and he would take care of everything.  All I would have to do was get off the plane, slip into a dress, and he would take me to the temple.  He just wanted me to be happy and not regret anything.  He was seriously a rock throughout this entire thing.  Never once did he mention himself, or how he might feel having me gone for six months.  Just that he would faithfully commit and wait for me.

So what do you do?  What do you do when everyone gives you a different answer and you feel so conflicted, emotionally exhausted, and defeated inside? You pray.  I remember praying for a long time - telling Heavenly Father every detail and feeling.  When I got up, I saw my parent’s computer.  Mindlessly, I went over there and plopped myself down. I wiggled the mouse and there was an article from President Monson.  Here is the part that I read:

"I realize there are many reasons why you may be hesitating to take that step of getting married.   It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions. Perhaps you are afraid of making the wrong choice. To this I say that you need to exercise faith. Find someone with whom you can be compatible. Realize that you will not be able to anticipate every challenge which may arise, but be assured that almost anything can be worked out if you are resourceful and if you are committed to making your marriage work.

Perhaps you are having a little too much fun being single, taking extravagant vacations, buying expensive cars and toys, and just generally enjoying the carefree life with your friends…

Brethren, there is a point at which it’s time to think seriously about marriage and to seek a companion with whom you want to spend eternity. If you choose wisely and if you are committed to the success of your marriage, there is nothing in this life which will bring you greater happiness."

I seriously felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of my shoulders and I could think so clearly.  My mind was enlightened to two principles.  1: China would have been an incredible experience.  But would it have given me true happiness?  What could be greater than having a marriage that could endure through the eternities?  Um... how about NOTHING.    2: This entire time I had focused on myself.  But what about Trent? I loved him and wanted him to be equally happy.  Through our ENTIRE relationship, Trent had made all the sacrifices.  Everything he did was to make me happy and everything I did was to make me happy.  But who was going to make Trent happy.  So, I finally did something I had never done before. I thought about us – me and Trent – as a couple. And when I thought about both of us {instead of just me}, the decision was easy. I chose an eternal marriage with a selfless man that I knew would never give up on our marriage.  Even if we ended up being poor college students, in a studio apartment, infested with bugs, in the heart of the ghetto, {oh wait- that’s happening now} I knew he would still love me.  And he does.

And guess what – I can honestly, truthfully, promise each one of you that I don’t regret it.