Think Less - And Act More

I witnessed a miracle today.  Today was our last day as primary teachers.  I seriously have LOVED this calling.  At first I was a little hesitant but they seriously stole my heart.  As we started the lesson, we had a knock at the door.  It was the Primary president with a visitor.

“This is your class for today.” she said, “And what was your name?”

The little boy just took his fingers and rang then across his lips as if to say, “zzziiiiiiiipppppp!” But he didn’t say a word. 

“That’s okay!” I chimed in.  The president just shrugged her shoulders and walked out.  A few minutes later she came back inside.

 “His mother just informed me that his name is Chris” she confirmed. {For the purpose of being respectful I will use an alias name and call him Chris.}

“Alright, buddy – pal – my main man Chris.” I said.  I know – I am weird, but I was just trying to get the kid to smile!

We continued the lesson and talked about Zion’s Camp. We watched a video that illustrated the events and every so often I would stop and ask the children questions.  About halfway through the video, I stopped the video and asked the students, “What were the men eating on the trail?”

“Powwije.” Christ blurted out.  I tried to hide the excitement/confusion/surprise on my face.  My brain quickly registered that he had tried to say porridge. 

“Awesome, Chris! That is exactly it! It was mushy grey porridge!” I was trying to validate his statement to help him feel comfortable. 

Later in the lesson, I turned to Chris and said, “And who was giving the men those blessings?” He just pointed up.  I said, “Yes, your right just say who you are talking about.”  He quickly shook his head no. “Do you mean Heavenly Father?” I asked.  He nodded his head yes and I again told him he was right and that was an excellent answer.

The lesson continued on and it went smoothly.  At the end I closed by bearing my testimony. Our lesson today was on trials I ended with saying, “Ya know.  I am a 4^th grade teacher.  As you know I just finished student teaching and I witnessed a lot of trials that 4^th graders have to face.  I have seen kids struggle because their parents are getting a divorce.  I have seen children who have been abused, children who have had a speech impairment, and children who…… are deaf.”  Now let me back up and tell you my train of thought.  I said speech impairment because I thought Chris wasn’t speaking because of a speech impairment. I thought he had a lisp or something similar and was embarrassed to speak in front of people.  But I didn’t want to end my statement looking at him and saying, “SOME children have a speech impairment.” So in my mind, I was like crap – now what do I say.  The next word that popped into my mind was “deaf.”  After I said it thought, “Wow. You’re a genius.  If a student was deaf – he wouldn’t even be at your school so obviously that was the dumbest example ever.”  But I just continued on and said, “And some of you may be experiencing those trials now, but I just want you to know that although trials stink, Heavenly Father is preparing you. I told Katie Heavenly Father was preparing her to be a great missionary. That although she may be shy she would be able to connect with people and help them learn the gospel.  I told Spencer that his knowledge and love for Heavenly Father was contagious.  I went around to every child and praised them for being here, and reminded them of their greatness and potential.  Then it was Chris’s turn.  I told him that he was going to do awesome things in his lifetime.  He quickly shook his head “no.”  I told him he was wrong.  That he was in store for great things – but he had to believe in himself.  He had to believe that Heavenly Father would help him and to not let fear or insecurities dictate his life. I think he needed to hear that. I ended by telling them that Heavenly Father loved them.  And I told them that Brother Thompson and I loved them.  I reminded them they were never alone because they had a cheering section and love oozing out of our hearts for them. 

We closed by saying the prayer and then I busted out the candy.  Hey, it’s our last week – we deserve a celebration, right?! So I told the kids that in order to get their candy they would have to come up to me and show me their biggest smile they would wear as they faced the trials of the week – and they had to give me a hug.  Each child came up and gave me the best smile and the biggest hug.  Chris was the last one to come up.  He gave me a half smile.

“Chris! I want to see those pearly white teeth!”  I said in my funniest, weirdest voice. He broke a smile and then gave me a big hug. As I handed him the gummy worms, he looked at me a little funny.

“Did you know?” he said.  I could tell he was trying his best to speak normal.  But he sounded different – and I couldn’t figure out why.

“Know what?” I responded.

“Did you know I was deaf?”  I literally sat there stunned. The room was completely quiet. Everyone was looking at me. 

“No, I had no idea.”  Now I was the one stuttering. 

“I am deaf and I can’t speak well.”  He pointed to his throat and said something else but I didn’t understand the last part.

“Ah, Chris” I said, “come here!”  I gave him another hug and said, “I honestly had no idea.  Ya see, that stuff doesn’t matter to me.  It must be hard but I never want you to be embarrassed.   Heavenly Father loves you and so do I.  You have so much to offer.  Don’t let that dictate how you think of yourself.  Because honestly, I think you are great.”

I hope I don’t come off as “holier than thou” or anything remotely close to that.  Because, guys, I am not that great.  I am writing this because this is an experience/feeling I NEVER want to forget.  I always ask Heavenly Father to use me.  I want to be the instrument in His hands. This is the first time, in a long time, that I felt like an instrument in His hands.  I felt that love for the little boy.  I had known him for 40 minutes.  But I loved him.  And I loved him because Christ loved him.  He helped me feel that love for him and then express it in a way that he needed to hear it.  But Heavenly Father helped me feel and express those emotions.  He is the one who put the word “deaf” in my mind.  He knows that I usually speak before I think and would say anything that came into mind ;).  It was a miracle.  I know that little boy needed to hear those words. That boy thought I knew him personally.  But the truth was that I didn’t – Heavenly Father did. 

Afterwards, we left for sharing time and then he left at the end of church.  All those kids stole a piece of my heart today.  I swear about half the children in Utah have a piece of my heart. Today I witnessed a small, but meaningful miracle.  I hope that I do what I did today:

Think Less – And Act More

When I feel inspired to sit by someone, I start to think, “Oh that would be weird, you don’t know her.”  Or I feel impressed to call someone and then I think, “She probably hates you because you haven’t talked to her in months.”  It is those doubtful thoughts that keep me from being an instrument in the Lord’s hands.  I just need to act on it!  So I guess what I am trying to say is maybe if we just acted on our good thoughts, we would be able to witness more small but meaningful miracles.

Think Less – And Act More.

My Addiction / Book Club

I love to read.  But I have this horrible problem.  When I read a book I become consumed by it.  Literally.  I will just stay in bed for as long as it takes to finish the book.  Everything else in the world becomes less important.  Cleaning? Psh.  Dinner? Fend for yourself.  Ask my mother.  I have read a book that was between 600-700 pages in two days. I did not eat, drink, sleep, or even move.  I just read constantly.  Because of my horrible addiction, I don’t read books too often.  Usually just one or two a month and on a Sunday when I can devote a good evening to starting – and finishing – an entire book.

I bet you can tell where this blog post is going – I want to share my book addiction with you.  Let me explain:

                Before Mother’s Day I was in Deseret Book Store trying to find my sweet mom a present.  Also, I was trying to get some inspiration for my talk, which was on mothers.  I found this adorable fourteen page booklet. Seriously, everyone needs to read it.  It is entitled, Are We Not All Mothers by Sheri Dew.  Sheri Dew is a woman who never married or had children.  It helped me understand that motherhood is not just about having babies, although that is an important part.  Read it. Today.

                Sorry, book tangent. Okay, I am in the store trying to find something for my mother.  I literally have been in the store for over an hour racking my brain, trying to think of a personal gift idea.  Then this thought came to me: What if I bought a book and highlighted it with a yellow marker and left sticky notes throughout the book about my thoughts, insights, etc.  Then I send it to my mom and she will use a different color highlighter and post-it notes and mark up the same book.  It would give us something to talk about and bond over.  And as we read books, we could just send them back and forth to each other.  It is like our own little book club?  It’s fun to find sticky notes and see what she thinks about a section.  We both have different insights and different statements touch us differently. 

                So here is my challenge for you:  1. Do this yourself with a friend or family member.  It could be someone far away that you want to keep in touch with or just a neighbor.  2.  JOIN ME!  How fun would it be if women all over were sending inspirational or just good books to each other.  Even if you are put with someone you don’t know.  It’s like your spirits are connecting because you are reading and sharing your insights with a fellow sister!  Interested?  Keep reading!

                Okay so here is my plan.  First of all, the most you have to commit is two months (so just August and September - I’ll explain why later).  And I am just going to try this little book club experiment until November.  You will need to find a book and read it sometime in the month of August.  So you have a month to find and read a book.  Then, at the end of August, your partner with will send you their book and you will send your partner the book that you read.  Make sense? So you will just swap books.  The book you receive will be filled with sticky notes, writing, highlighting – whatever! And you will read the book and mark it up too!  Then after you have finished it (which you will need to finish it sometime in September), you will send the book back to them and they will send the book you bought back to you.  So you will end up with the original book you bought and highlighted. But then you can re-read it and see the notes, talks, and messages your partner left in the book.  Then, you can either stop or do it one more time (for September and November).  If you decide to do it again, we will swap partners so we can meet a variety of exceptional women.  Does this all make sense?  If you are interested you can just e-mail me and I will send more information and you then you can decide. 

                Folks, I am a dreamer.  When I imagine this happening, I picture like a mini relief society meeting.  I imagine women talking about a book and relating it to our lives, sharing stories, and strengthening one another.  But it’s definitely a commitment.  Your partner is expecting a book that will enlighten and encourage her.  So if she doesn’t get a book – obviously it would be sad. 

                If you would like to know more tedious details and information – either e-mail me at duke.chelsea22@gmail.com or just leave your e-mail in the comments below! Whichever is best for you!  Also, this invitation is for EVERYONE and ANYONE! So you, yes you, are completely invited if you want to! And if you don’t join this book club, do it with a friend! Honestly, you will LOVE it!

 

 

The book on the left is what I sent my mother, the book on the right was from my "you have to read this today" book tangent.

 

I just love my mom!

 

 Seriously, this book completely changed my perspective on Mary and Martha.  This book is about the incident in Luke 10: 38-42. Ah-mazing. Loved it.

 

Our First Fight... And He Slept Through It All

It’s true.  Mr. Thompson and I fight.  I remember when Mr. Thompson and I had been married for about 3 months and we went over to his parent’s house.  Mr. Thompson was helping his younger brother, Dallas, take down Christmas decorations.  I remember Dallas turning to him as he unloaded a heavy box from the attic asking, “Does Chelsea ever get mad?  Does she get mad and you end up fighting?”  I waited for the answer. I expected Mr. Thompson to chuckle and be like, “Heck yeah!” But that man is full of surprises.  Instead he simply replied, “Nope.”  I looked at him. Shocked. That statement could not have been farther from the truth.

                Here’s the thing.  Everyone says that when you get married, you will be in this “honeymoon stage.”  I agree.  In fact, I am pretty sure Mr. Thompson and I are still in that phase.  I always pictured that couples started fighting after a few years of marriage – like when disciplining kids, money issues, and all that good stuff.  HAH! What a joke!  Mr. Thompson and I had our first major fight the first night back from our honeymoon.  And he slept through most of it.  Truth.  Here’s the story:

                We had just gotten back from our honeymoon and our apartment was trashed with gifts, boxes, clothes, everything.  Plus, we had to go to the store and get some items we didn’t have {bedspread, trashcan, scissors, etc.}.  So bags were everywhere too.  Oh, and don’t let me forget to mention that it was a STUDIO apartment.  It looked like a mess.  So Trent and I started arranging the boxes, putting things away, and organizing the apartment.  Well, it was about 10:30 and Trent suggested we go to bed because we both had work the next morning.  I looked around and our apartment was still a disaster.  How could I go to bed when we could barely walk through the apartment?  I couldn’t.  I remember begging Mr. Thompson to stay up with me.  He refused saying he was exhausted.  So he did the unthinkable.  He went to bed.  Guys – I was mad.  I stayed up till 1 in the morning – bawling – putting the house together.  I remember thinking, “Is this how our marriage is going to be? You sleep while I do all the work?”  {Did I mention I am slightly dramatic?} I tried crying loudly so that he would wake up and realize the errors of his way.  Pointless.  He slept through the entire thing.  Needless to say, we had to talk it out the next morning.  We definitely learned a lot about each other.  Mr. Thompson realized that when I want something done – I will stop at nothing, not even sleep, to accomplish my task.  Once I decide it’s a priority it gets done right away.  Mr. Thompson is more relaxed.  His thought process is, “Let’s work at the task every day until it gets done.  But let’s not kill ourselves over it.” (Obviously my thought process makes more sense;)  And guess what – the next night there was a flood in our apartment.  The water heater above us broke and it dripped through our ceiling and walls and flooded our apartment.  All of that work I had done was for NOTHING.  We had to box everything up and move it to another apartment anyway.  Story of my life.

                Whenever I have a friend who is getting married I sit them down and tell them these exact words:  “During the first few months of your marriage, you and {insert fiancé’s name here} may fight.  A lot.  And guess what? That is so normal.  So, please do not feel like you have an awful marriage.”

                I don’t think it’s necessarily the “fighting” that harms the marriage.  It depends on the type of fighting.  Most of the time, Mr. Thompson and I are usually just having a “heated discussion” because our opinions are different.  But if you are throwing crockpots at your spouse – you may have a problem.  So here are some methods that have helped Mr.  Thompson and I avoid those “crockpot throwing, name-calling, nasty” fights.

1.       Listen.  When someone else is telling you their side of the issue, we are instinctively forming our defense statement.  Do not come up with a defense.  Listen. R estate what they said to make sure that you understand their side.

2.       If it gets too heated – walk away.  There is nothing wrong with saying, “Honey, I need a five minute cool down.”  The point of this is to say this phrase before you become too angry and start shouting.  It is a prevention tool.

3.       Hold them tight.  Sometimes I will cuddle with Mr. Thompson as I tell him my side of the issue.  When you are holding the one you love, your opinion comes off more sensitive than when you are on the other side of the room yelling your opinion over the dishes.

We are not professionals over here folks.  We still have our fair share of arguments – trust me.  But we don’t let one fight determine how we view ourselves as a couple.  We love each other despite our stubborn opinions.  It’s just a learning process – despite how many years you have been married.  It will always be a learning process because we are constantly changing as individuals. Does that make sense?  I know – this is coming from someone who has been married for only two years and has NO room to talk or give advice – but it’s been on my mind and I thought I would share.  What are some tips you may have when it comes to this topic?!

 

The Right Decision Part 3 of 3

For about three weeks I kept my eye on Trent.  I stalked noticed which girls he was around, read his Facebook posts, and listened to what his friends were saying about him.  I remember reading something he posted on FB and thinking, “psh… aren’t I glad I dumped him.”  But really it felt more like, “psh… I’m an idiot.” 

Then there came the fateful FHE night.  Our Young Single Adult Ward came together every Tuesday and did Family Home Evening together.  I was in charge and so of course I was there orchestrating the activities.  But guess who wasn’t there…. Trent.  I remember asking my friend Jessica,

                “Hey, do you know where Trent is?”

                “Yea… I think he went to a Diamondbacks baseball game with some girl.” Jess replied.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was when I turned into the Hulk.  I started raging and shouting.  It was something along the lines of:

“What an idiot? You’re not supposed miss F.H.E.?!”  {Because apparently I am the F.H.E. police and you need to ask me permission to miss the activities.}  

“What girl would possibly go with him to a baseball game?” {Hmmm…. about every woman in our ward.}

               

Well of course, I made Jess text Trent and figure out what girl he was with.  He didn’t reply for literally hours.  That is when I found out that Trent had taken his sister to the baseball game. Yup- that's me - World’s. Biggest. Loser.  

It was that night I knew I had to make things right with Trent.  And by “make things right” I mean "get over my commitmment issues."  So I texted him and asked him if he would like to go on a picnic with me tomorrow.  He consented.  And this is how our conversation went the next day at our picnic. {Warning:  The words below are what actually came out of my mouth.  Feel free to judge.}

“Trent, I have been thinking.  And I know you wanted to date me.  And well… if you still want to date me... then… I guess that would be okay.”  {WHO SAYS THAT?!} That was me apologizing folks. Seriously.

And you know what he said… “Okay!”  That was it?  He didn’t ask me to beg for him back. He didn't make me feel like a loser. He was just that forgiving and sweet.  He just said that he did want to be with me still and he would love if we could be together.   Now most girls would sweetly kiss their man and have a nice picnic.  But instead,  this is what came out of my mouth:

“Well, if you are going to date me, then there are going to have to be some rules.  Rule #1: This is not going to last because I am going to China. End of story. I am going. You can’t stop me so don’t try.    2: No kissing in public.  You may hold my hand but you may not kiss me when other people are around.  3: We will NEVER be Facebook official so I don’t want to see a relationship request.  4: I don’t want to be one of those couples who have to see each other every day.  I need space.  If we date, you have to be okay will all of these things? Okay?!

Some of you are probably dying laughing at my ridiculous requests.  But Trent was just like,

“Okay, if that’s what you want!” 

I was shocked.  “Well, don’t get back to me right away.  Just think about it. You have 24 hours and then let me know.” {Because I think I have a right to put a time limit on his decisions?!}

T: “I already know. I want to date you.”

C: “Trent, take the 24 hours and think about this.  This is a commitment.”

T: “I know, but I already know my answer.”

C: “TRENT JUST TAKE THE 24 HOURS!”

T: “Fine… I will think about it.”

And that is how Trent and I started dating.  But I still had plans to go to China.  At the beginning of our courtship, I paid for most of China and received my placement, departure date, and flight.  I was leaving in the middle of July to Zhangzhou, China and would return three days before Christmas.  I had even met some of the girls going with me to China.  But while I was preparing for China – I was seriously falling for Trent.  And remember those rules? Yeah – nonexistent.  He had broken every barrier I had built.  And every time I thought about leaving, I bawled.   But I didn’t want to be “that girl” that got married right out of high school.  I didn’t want to get married young.  I wanted to be the type of girl who traveled, finished school, started a career, and did everything that people say you “should do” before you get married. 

And of course, everyone has opinions.  I had one individual tell me that I was “doomed for divorce and if I couldn’t leave him for 6 months we would never make it anyway.” I listened to people tell me I was naïve and stupid.  And then there was Trent.  He suggested that I go to China, but with a diamond ring on my left hand.  While I was gone, he said he would plan the wedding and just send him a "to-do list" and he would take care of everything.  All I would have to do was get off the plane, slip into a dress, and he would take me to the temple.  He just wanted me to be happy and not regret anything.  He was seriously a rock throughout this entire thing.  Never once did he mention himself, or how he might feel having me gone for six months.  Just that he would faithfully commit and wait for me.

So what do you do?  What do you do when everyone gives you a different answer and you feel so conflicted, emotionally exhausted, and defeated inside? You pray.  I remember praying for a long time - telling Heavenly Father every detail and feeling.  When I got up, I saw my parent’s computer.  Mindlessly, I went over there and plopped myself down. I wiggled the mouse and there was an article from President Monson.  Here is the part that I read:

"I realize there are many reasons why you may be hesitating to take that step of getting married.   It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions. Perhaps you are afraid of making the wrong choice. To this I say that you need to exercise faith. Find someone with whom you can be compatible. Realize that you will not be able to anticipate every challenge which may arise, but be assured that almost anything can be worked out if you are resourceful and if you are committed to making your marriage work.

Perhaps you are having a little too much fun being single, taking extravagant vacations, buying expensive cars and toys, and just generally enjoying the carefree life with your friends…

Brethren, there is a point at which it’s time to think seriously about marriage and to seek a companion with whom you want to spend eternity. If you choose wisely and if you are committed to the success of your marriage, there is nothing in this life which will bring you greater happiness."

I seriously felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of my shoulders and I could think so clearly.  My mind was enlightened to two principles.  1: China would have been an incredible experience.  But would it have given me true happiness?  What could be greater than having a marriage that could endure through the eternities?  Um... how about NOTHING.    2: This entire time I had focused on myself.  But what about Trent? I loved him and wanted him to be equally happy.  Through our ENTIRE relationship, Trent had made all the sacrifices.  Everything he did was to make me happy and everything I did was to make me happy.  But who was going to make Trent happy.  So, I finally did something I had never done before. I thought about us – me and Trent – as a couple. And when I thought about both of us {instead of just me}, the decision was easy. I chose an eternal marriage with a selfless man that I knew would never give up on our marriage.  Even if we ended up being poor college students, in a studio apartment, infested with bugs, in the heart of the ghetto, {oh wait- that’s happening now} I knew he would still love me.  And he does.

And guess what – I can honestly, truthfully, promise each one of you that I don’t regret it.