That Post About Motherhood...Again.

I'm not a huge Gilmore Girls fan, but I do like the show. I have to skip through some episodes/seasons because I just don't agree with whats going on, but welcome to 99% of television today.  And while I was holding Brooks, one of the last three episodes played in the background. Then, both kids fell asleep, and I watched the last one and half episodes in silence. And I cried. Well, bawled actually.  Ah, motherhood. So many raw emotions. So I got up and started cleaning up the playroom, and thinking about Motherhood, and it's eternal purpose.  And also the companionship I have with my Heavenly Father in this unique role. This scripture popped into my mind as I was cleaning. Moses 1:39 states, "For behold, this is my work and my glory--  to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."  In a way, THIS is Motherhood.  We are here to help our children gain eternal life. To teach them, to help them, to have them become successful in this life and the one after. The message I received from the Spirit was it is so important to find Joy in Motherhood now because that is my calling now and forever.   Heavenly Father's work and glory is based upon His children and helping them obtain eternal life. What I am doing here is a mirror of what is to happen in Heaven.  I guess that I assume if that is His work and glory now, that will be My work and glory in the next life also. Because we are to inherit all the Father has. THIS is where my time is well spent. Learning patience, practicing selflessness, balancing time, teaching, learning, all of it will carry with me and I will be prepared for what is to come. I've wondered lately what God would say of me. In my head I hear, "Ah, Chelsea. That is my ambitious daughter."  I've learned that ambition is good, but balance is best. And ambition threatens balance in my life. So, I will continue to find my best "balance" while I focus on the things that matter most, while still developing my talents, and doing my favorite things.  All is needed to keep me happy and progressing.

Trenty

I love seeing social media "shout outs" to husbands. When we were first married and I would read this sweet comments I would think, "Well. They're not married to Trent and he really, truly is the best husband. There is no man better than him."
And I still believe that. 
But I've learned that Trent isn't the only wonderful man out there. But he is pretty wonderful. Don't get me wrong.  We still have our "discussions." {I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING AN HOUR AND A HALF TO GET READY FOR CHURCH -- DEAL} but I'm grateful for the marriage we share.  And that we don't take ourselves too seriously.
I love that he doesn't dwell on the little things, which I turn into the big things, which he then reminds are really just little things.  I love that he supports me in all my endeavors {especially my business endeavors right now}, and I love how flawless and simple he makes the gospel seem.  It's really hard to describe. But Trent sees the gospel so clearly, and can talk about it so eloquently. I knew he had that gift. But that gift has really developed since this 90 Day Mission and his calling as Ward Mission Leader.  This is a new capacity for him {and for me}, but gosh dang -- he is good! 
And of course, he is so nonchalant about it all. It has been so fun to "grow up" with him.  I see him changing in all the right ways and I am too, or at least I'm trying too.  I love that logical mind {most of the time}, and I am so, so very grateful that we have been able to spend the past five years together. 
Trenty,  I hope our boys know how much their Mom loves their Dad. Thanks for waking up before the sun to go to work. For still helping with the kids when you have worked twelve hour days. For trying to "gently" tell me when there is a problem. Or trying to phrase it "just right" so I won't get mad. You still haven't mastered it. But hey, thanks for trying.  You are Porter's hero. And in this context I don't take the word "hero" lightly.  You are everything to him. I am pretty sure if I fell off the face of the Earth, he would just go over to Grandma's house and be over it. But when you are gone, he is not whole until you come back. Together we are creating a world, Brooks and Porter's world, and there is no one I would rather do this journey with. Happy Five Years!

Thoughtful Moments and Missionary Work

I just wanted to jot down a super quick experience that happened tonight.  We have the missionaries over every Wednesday night for supper. We alternate between the Elders and the Sisters. Well, when the Elders were over tonight, they shared an experience I found interesting.  While they were with an investigator, he pulled out a large sheet of sensitive gospel topics that he had concerns with, and then had a rebuttal for every answer the missionaries gave. It was obvious to them that he had been on an anti-church website and had derived most of his questions and rebuttals from there.  The questions were intense. When the elders gave me a few examples, I thought to myself, "I would have died in that situation. I have absolutely no idea??"
Which brings me to what I learned. 1. It's okay not to know everything. 2. You need to start learning everything. Haha! That might seem like a contradiction, but I'm serious.  I need to be more involved in the doctrine and the scriptures. You see, I am really good at the whole feel good part of the church. I can talk all day and night about the feelings/blessings the gospel brings. But talk about women and the priesthood, or multiple first vision accounts, or polygamy, or the translation of the Book of Mormon, and I pretty much have my head in the sand on these ones. But we can't. Because of the internet, the gospel is more transparent than ever. And kids/adults have questions. I want my boys to ask questions. Isn't that the process that started the First Vision? A question.  It's okay not know something right away, but we must wrestle and explore and pray until we find a personal answer for our satisfaction. 

There was a talk from President Ballard about some of these hard topics. Here is what he had to say:Church leaders today are fully conscious of the unlimited access to information, and we are making extraordinary efforts to provide accurate context and understanding of the teachings of the Restoration. A prime example of this effort is the 11 Gospel Topics essays on lds.org that provide balanced and reliable interpretations of the facts for controversial and unfamiliar Church-related subjects.

It is important that you know the content in these essays like you know the back of your hand. If you have questions about them, then please ask someone who has studied them and understands them. In other words, “seek learning, even by study and also by faith” as you master the content of these essays. The effort for gospel transparency and spiritual inoculation through a thoughtful study of doctrine and history, coupled with a burning testimony, is the best antidote we have to help students avoid and/or deal with questions, doubt, or faith crises they may face in this information age.

As you teachers pay the price to better understand our history, doctrine, and practices—better than you do now—you will be prepared to provide thoughtful, careful, and inspired answers to your students’ questions.

I may not be a CES teacher, but I'm a mother, a missionary, and I'm sure I will have callings throughout my life that deal with the Youth. I have to know more doctrine. The feel goodness of the gospel is wonderful, but we need our testimonies based on doctrine.

I have studied those essays above. Yes, some of them are hard to read. Some of them are a little confusing. But because I'm searching for answers in the right place, even when I read something that troubles my soul it doesn't destroy my testimony. But it does bring me to ask some hard questions and have some long talk with Heavenly Father. I don't have all my answers, and I don't think I will get them soon. I think it will be a long process of learning.

Part 2: While I was trying to prepare dinner for the Elders, clean the house, and not neglect my children, the sister missionaries text me and asked me to go do lessons with them tonight at 8. I'm not going to lie. For a split second, I wanted to say no for various reasons. But. I believe in blessings. So I put on a happy heart and said yes. We went to go visit an individual who ended up not being home. I thought we were just going to call it a night (we started late anyways), but the sisters suggested another lady to visit. I quickly made a connection that this lady had been brought to my attention multiple times from another sister in the ward. She was recently baptized (about a year and a half ago), but had become inactive. She is the only member in her family, and has a rough past. She was home, YAY, and let us come in to talk with her. I asked her questions like, "How did you meet the missionaries? What stood out to you about the gospel? Why did you decide to get baptized? How was that day?"

I learned that strategy with marriage. Whenever I feel myself struggling with Trent (yes, world, we struggle sometimes), I go back and read these posts. I read about his selfless acts of love, our funny adventures, and how we fell in love. Suddenly, I feel a little more connected to him and my heart is softened with love and compassion towards him.

That is what I do with the gospel. When people start talking and remembering their favorite parts of the gospel, it brings up all those good feelings that made them want to be apart of it. I want them to remember that again, and hold on. Well, it worked! She said she would be at church this Sunday and I told her I would save her a seat next to my circus! I hope she is there!

A Much Needed Update

There are so many thoughts and moments I wanted to blog. But each day I say, "I'll blog about that tomorrow." And each day comes and goes and I completely have forgotten everything I wanted to talk about.
Trent and I were called on 90 day missions last Sunday and set apart as such.  It was interesting being set apart as a missionary.  I am trying my best to act each day as a missionary would. But, let's get real here, it's my boys and I at home all day, evveerrrry day.  And Parks and Rec is still on every night and I am semi sure missionaries can't watch that. But Trent and I sat down on Tuesday and wrote our missionary goals and then companionship goals. We did very well our first week. We had both sets of missionaries over (elders and sisters), Trent talked about the gospel with a few nonmembers, invited someone to church, and we had a lesson in our home with an investigator.  That was probably the highlight of my week. Having a lesson in your home is one of the most uplifting experiences. I highly encourage it. The Sisters asked if they could call me to do Park Contacts, basically we go to the park and stop everyone we see and tell them about the gospel. Totally and completely out of my comfort zone. But hey, you do what the Lord has asked you to do. So I told them I would absolutely love to join them.  I can't wait to write more of our special experiences.
Brooks has decided to stop being my perfect little babe. We are going on five days of a sleep deprivation and constant crying.  These 25 minute cat naps day and night will. be. the. end. of. me. And so help me, if he is teething so young like Porter did, I will cry. Correction, I will BAWL. I do not want to breastfeed during that madness and 4 months is too young for teeth.
Porter is my pal. He is my two year old pal and I love him.  We have put that Thomas the train puzzle together over 100 times, and he is finally starting to memorize it! He is so determined, and I love his attitude. He keeps me in check and reminds me of what matters most in life. 
I love my boys.
Which brings me to my other handsome man, Trent.  Trent loves his job.  He pulls in 10-11 hour days, but is always home by 5:30 p.m. so I can't complain.  I have such tender feelings for him lately.  Trent is stalwart. He would do anything the Lord asks of him, and I was reminded of that this week in our missionary endeavors. He understands the gospel and can make beautiful connections.  He is the most incredible father, and seeing him in that role brings me more joy than I thought. I am blessed to know him so personally and be the one he chooses to confide in.
And me. Well, I'm a dreamer, a goal setter, and a limit pusher. And it's colliding right now into one huge mess that I am trying to wade through.  But honestly, I would have my life any other way.